“Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.” ― Martin Luther King Jr.
Through out time, I seem to find that life is a pattern of give and take. Most believe that in order to forgive someone that said person must atone in some way or form that they are completely and full kindheartedly sorry for what ever reason. But what if they never apologize or even acknowledge that they cause some kind of effect to you and your life. What then?
“People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.Love them anyway.” – Some Wise Person
So I began my search for the reasons why I keep forgiving people and not holding a grudge….. (even if I really want to and should) The above quote was something I heard a neighbor of mine tell his grandson about his own daughter. He said it as if he lived by it his whole life, like it was something he stated every time he was hurt or wounded by another. As you can tell it stuck with me even though I was only 10 when I heard it. It amazed me of it’s truth.
People are illogical, hopeless in stating what truly frightens them. Unable to give a reason for doubt or negative actions that make them poisons to themselves. And my favorite, self-centered. Awww you think the world spins for you and you alone, so why concern yourself with other’s feelings and emotions that they bare to you. Yet to love them anyway……..
“I could easily forgive his pride, if he had not mortified mine.” ― Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice
How can I forgive someone who thinks as me as a stepping stone to where they want to go or to be. (or not to be hahaha I couldn’t help myself) Some how we shouldn’t forgive someone who could care less right? I mean what makes me less important than you? Who do you think you are to put yourself above the feelings of others? Why is it that your ego is to be stroked as if your value has increased over night?
The quote above simply says to hell with you and your pride. (More or less) In general your just another person just like me.(Just like me you can be hurt, just like me you can cry, just like me life will take it’s toll) Now that sounds like a reminder of humanity and less of a threat…….
“There is no such thing as a “broken family.” Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart. The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are not your family. If you make those ties, those people are your family. And if you hate those ties, those people will still be your family because whatever you hate will always be with you.” ― C. JoyBell C.
Love and Hate may seem different but they do share similarities. Both are an extreme passion of another emotion that has been pushed to the extreme. How extreme you ask. Well your favorite food was just a food that in thought could have sounded good and once had you wanted to relive the taste over in over again like an hidden obsession that only you knew of. Then one day you eat enough due to a challenge becoming sick of the smell, let alone the taste and the sound of it’s name even makes you sick. (Like is to Love as Sick is to Hate, yet to hate you had to at on point in time loved.)
This quote above uses Family as a subject for forgiveness to fix “Broken Family” stating that family is ties to the heart. By ties to the heart means some kind of passion is at play for a person to be thought of igniting the urge of any kind including hate. Hate is not simple to achieve seeing as most people can not hate someone without giving chance after chance to reverse or change an error that has occurred. (How do you think we get heart broken, disappointed, embarrassed, or resentful.) Everyone goes through something but is the past just the past?
“Keep in mind, hurting people often hurt other people as a result of their own pain. If somebody is rude and inconsiderate, you can almost be certain that they have some unresolved issues inside. They have some major problems, anger, resentment, or some heartache they are trying to cope with or overcome. The last thing they need is for you to make matters worse by responding angrily.” ― Joel Osteen, Your Best Life Now: 7 Steps to Living at Your Full Potential
Seems crazy that any response of being yelled at should be “Oh thanks! Have a great day.” (I’m too sarcastic to not say this, but they will know for sure I don’t mean it at all) This quote had me in awe of how understanding should be lived and not just thought about. Over and over we find our selves trying to figure out what we did to get yelled at but never looking at who that person is. Some people deal with pain differently than others causing a ripple effect. Ripples that are only where a mark or touch has been placed and spread out because it has to much energy to just remain in on place.
I was taught that energy both positive and negative can be transferred to someone else. (Remember I mentioned at the beginning that whole give & take thing, whelp ta-da!) A simple good morning can travel around the world for ever, even saying it to a stranger can make another stranger say it to another. Someone took their positive energy and started a positive ripple effect that could have given someone else another day on earth cause yesterday could have been the worse. Some how they now know that that was yesterday and today is new and full of hope. Negative energy is the same but like all things bad, it can spread just as fast and cause more damage to each who encounter it.
Seeing as no will ever experience things the same, we can never know what effected someone else. We will never know their pain unless we ask and they tell, unless they write and we read, and vice verse.
“We are all mistaken sometimes; sometimes we do wrong things, things that have bad consequences. But it does not mean we are evil, or that we cannot be trusted ever afterward.” ― Alison Croggon
Now that we understand what pain caused us to hurt in the first place, and we understand that “understanding” is a lifestyle we should choose before we react. Lets get down to understand why we should forgive. (My opinion anyway) I believe people should be open to forgiving others because we all make mistakes and I would want to be forgiving.
What if you knocked something like an antique over? It was just sitting on a side table and you bumped the table causing the antique to just fall over smashing on the floor. No one was around but you knew it wasn’t yours so you just tossed it and went on about your business. Then later on you find out that it belonged to a recent friend’s passed aunt. You sum up your pride and go apologize, but they are not trying to hear that. They were adopted and that was the only family they knew and was lucky enough to have met, all foiled by your clumsiness. So you say things like ” I honestly didn’t mean it”; “I just want you to know how bad I feel”; “It was an accident. I would never do anything like that on purpose”. Yet still no go. They could care less. Days past and you forgot about it, then you see that person and you insistently feel guilt, you can see their anger with you. You try one more time to apologize but again no go. So you say forget it out of anger and move on with life.
Mean while that other person in our mini story is in debt because her aunt who passed told her to go back to school to start her own business. That antique was enough to pay for school, buy a house, a new car, buy her own store front, pay for her first year on all bills, and still have a nest egg for any uncertainties. Of course no one knew because she was trying to be humble and focus on her dreams. Yet every time she sees you, it reminds her that her dreams won’t come true all because of you. The whole situation makes her weak and depressed to the point she quite school, moved back with her abusive boy friend and started drinking heavily.
So I’m curious who you’re rooting for. Is it person A, accident prone with many attempts to atone for it but no luck so said person moves on; or person B, had all her hopes & dreams on an priceless antique that was destroyed by a clumsy friend who now boils her blood when seen driving by anger to poison herself.
“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience
I know you’re going to hate me for this, but person A was kinda right and person B not so much. Not saying that B had no right to be upset, but to go to drinking and abuse, does she think that would help in anyway. (Plus why didn’t she have insurance on the antique if it was so priceless?) Just because you planned and now it’s extinct, doesn’t mean you stop moving forward. Person B moved back. She lost sight of what her aunt really wanted to teach her. Moving forward! Her life would have been better even after the fact, if she keep working towards her dream. Person A who tried to apologize may have been able to help her and keep her a float. (I mean you never know person A could be rich.)
The point is you can’t move forward holding on to the past. The quote above made it so simple. The past may have hurt but if you truly want that hurt to be used as strength, then you have to forgive. Let go of your anger and look for a solution. Forgive yourself for being in the situation, but learn the signs so the situation can never happen again. Forgiving the situation including the person(s) involved, means that a change in your life can occur with out any one close coming being a threat. Not to mention we are all human, we all make mistakes, and fall hard. It’s what we do, but to get forgiveness you have to give it first. (Even if it’s your self.)
See person A was kinda right because of trying to move on, but she was still bond by the situation too. If something is truly over a situation you shouldn’t feel guilt, for even a second if you already done your best. I minds will trick us into thinking we know what someone is thinking but lets be honest that’s above us. Plus the drive for moving on was due to pride and anger itself.
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”― Mahatma Gandhi, All Men are Brothers: Autobiographical Reflections
Welp Be strong & I hope this helps……. Ok Laters!
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If She Could Talk..... 